A counter to the “all or nothing” approach in wellness
“It’s tough not to diminish my efforts and keep myself motivated. If I say, yeah, I did great, only one set of each today, I will become complacent and think that is enough. I need to constantly push to do better. Maybe there is a better way…?”
This was a message a client sent me after she “only” did 2 out of 3 sets in her strength program after feeling tired upon waking. Kudos to her for her coachability and moving through her sleepiness!
Reader, have you ever felt or said this before?
I know I have.
Because we aren’t alone, let’s take some time to understand this thought pattern we call the “all or nothing approach”, review its helpfulness, and invite a counter concept called the “all or something approach” that can help prevent behaviour change burnout and minimizing our efforts with lifestyle improvement.
All or Nothing Approach
The “all or nothing” approach is a mindset where someone believes they must do something perfectly or not at all. In the context of health behavior change, this means an individual might think that unless they can commit to a perfect, strict regimen, it’s not worth starting at all. The all or nothing approach is often rooted in perfection, fear, and shame.
This mindset can be particularly detrimental because it sets unrealistic standards, which often leads to feelings of failure when perfection is unattainable. It creates an emotional cycle where one mistake can cause someone to abandon their goals entirely.
In this dialogue, we’ll hear words like “can’t”, “always”, “never” (speaking in absolutes). The energy of our words are defeating and disempowering, and usually causes in-action or misaligned action towards our wellness vision.
Examples of the All or Nothing Approach:
Exercise: "I didn’t get a full 60-minute workout today, so there’s no point in doing anything at all."
Nutrition: "I ate a slice of cake at the party, so I may as well eat whatever I want for the rest of the day. I can never stick to a diet."
Sleep: "I didn’t get 8 hours of sleep last night, so I’ll be tired all day and can’t do anything productive."
Why It’s Problematic:
Unrealistic Expectations: It’s hard to be perfect all the time, and life is unpredictable. A single lapse doesn’t negate all the progress you've made.
Perfectionism: It encourages an all-or-nothing mindset that doesn’t allow for flexibility or room for mistakes.
Burnout: This mentality can lead to burnout, as maintaining perfection consistently is exhausting and unsustainable.
All or Something Approach
The “all or something” approach (sometimes referred to as the "progress, not perfection" mindset) encourages balance, flexibility, and a focus on improvement rather than perfection. With this approach, if you can’t do everything, you do something. The goal is progress, and small steps toward improvement are seen as valid and valuable. The all or something approach is often rooted in self-compassion, love, and pride.
The “all or something” approach emphasizes making sustainable, incremental changes without the pressure to be perfect. It accepts that life is messy, and that setbacks are normal.
In this dialogue, we’ll hear words like “can” and “sometimes” (speaking in the grey area). The energy of our words are kind, encouraging, and empowering. It usually is action-focused and we choose aligned behaviours, even if they are smaller, towards our wellness vision.
Examples of the All or Something Approach:
Exercise: "I didn’t work out today, and I’ll go for a walk tomorrow at noon."
Nutrition: "I sometimes indulge in too many desserts like tonight, and my stomach hurts now. I’m glad I made sure to include vegetables in every meal today, and I’ll keep focusing on that."
Sleep: "I didn’t get the full 8 hours last night, so a short nap this afternoon to feel refreshed may be a good idea."
Why It’s Helpful:
Flexibility: It allows for imperfection and encourages doing what you can rather than feeling defeated by missed opportunities.
Sustainability: Small, consistent efforts lead to long-term habits, while the “all or nothing” mindset can lead to burnout and eventual quitting.
Self-Compassion: It helps you build a positive relationship with yourself, even when you experience very human challenges. This prevents feelings of guilt that can derail progress.
Tangible Tips for Success with Habit Change Using the “All or Something” Approach:
Set Small, Achievable Goals:
Break your larger goal into small, manageable steps. Instead of committing to an hour of exercise every day, try 15-20 minutes and gradually increase it as you build consistency.
Embrace Flexibility:
Life is unpredictable. If you miss a workout or eat something off your plan, don’t stress. You can reflect on how to set yourself up for success for the next day.
Focus on the positive changes you’ve made, even if they are small.
Celebrate Small Wins:
Every time you stick to your goal, no matter how small, take a moment to appreciate your progress. This reinforces positive behavior.
Avoid Perfectionism:
Rather than thinking, “I have to work out 7 days a week, or it’s not worth it,” think, “I’ll aim for 5 days, and if I miss a day, that’s okay.”
Shift the focus from perfection to consistency.
Focus on the Process, Not Just the Outcome:
Enjoy the journey of building a healthier lifestyle rather than just focusing on the end goal (such as weight loss, muscle gain, etc.).
Ask yourself, "How am I feeling day to day? Am I getting stronger, more energized, or happier?"
Use the "Rule of Three":
When you slip up, ask yourself if this has happened 3 times or more. If not, it’s a small setback, not a failure. If it’s happened multiple times, look at what needs to change in your routine to set yourself up for more success.
Practice Self-Compassion:
Be kind to yourself. Everyone makes mistakes, and self-criticism only leads to discouragement. If you fall off track, gently acknowledge it and return to your plan with renewed energy.
Use Habit Stacking:
Link a new healthy habit with something you’re already doing. For example, “After I finish my morning coffee, I’ll do a 10-minute stretching session.”
This makes it easier to build momentum and maintain consistency.
Track Your Progress:
Keep a journal or use an app to track your daily habits. This helps you visualize your progress and reminds you that small steps are adding up.
To wrap up
Having higher standards for ourselves is important and something I value deeply. It can lead us to achieve things that we thought were insurmountable at one point. But when perfectionism takes over, it can lead to a cycle of “being on the wagon and then off”, which is more detrimental to our health in the long-run.
I encourage you to be mindful of the approach you are taking and learn how to set yourself up for success.
Ask yourself, is it helping or hindering my progress when trying to make lasting and empowering changes to my health behaviors?
Now go out there and do all or something today!!!
